#dog - #The Leash Goes Both Ways

The Leash Goes Both Ways

The leash goes both ways.

We forget that. In our arrogance and our closed-mindedness, we forget that the dog on the other end of the leash has its own feelings, its own desires, and its own free will.

In today's modern world, most people do not fail to meet the basic requirements for keeping a dog alive. They feed it, give it water, and meet its other basic needs but there is a huge difference between living and thriving.

Sure, we may be able to compel our dogs to do what we want. We may be able to successfully get them to pee and poo outside and not inside. We may offer them SOME affection, but it doesn't mean that they are living a quality life.

The leash is not a substitute for a real connection.

It's hard work, diving deep into our minds and souls, seeking to improve the quality of our relationships with our loved ones. (Human and not human!) It's easy to glide along the surface of things and maintain a relationship or a life that's simply "Good enough."

In our arrogance, we may consider ourselves superior to dogs. We may think we see all of what the dog has to offer and believe that there is not much to them. We often fail to see the full spectrum of their body language. We're too quick to label our dogs as "lazy" or "disobedient" or "aggressive." We fill the gaps of our knowledge with fear, clinging to the illusion of safety that comes from pointing the finger at something else rather than ourselves. Or, on the other end of the spectrum, we fill the gaps with smugness, believing that we already know enough, and that we know for certain what our dogs are thinking, curving the idea of working harder for them and us.

Dogs undoubtedly need leadership and structure to flourish, but too many people get caught up in the idea that "Dominance" should be the cornerstone of our relationship. We incorrectly perceive innocent dog behaviors as some sort of threat to our authority. We think "Oh, but I can't let him get away with that!" too often. We're too ready to make a corrective action after an unwanted behavior has been done, rather than empathize with our dogs and learn where the behavior comes from and why.

Just yesterday during lunch, I checked my dog webcam that I use to check on Max at home, only to see him on the couch tearing a magazine to shreds. He's not "supposed" to be doing this (which really means I just don't WANT him to do that.) The play pen fence that I set up for him while we're at work blocks him from mostly everything in the living room except for part of the couch. He's never done it before, but he did it now.

It upset me to see it. Thoughts rushed my head worrying me that he might get into something that he could choke on, he might eat something that makes him sick, he might chew on a electrical cord and get shocked, etc. I asked my supervisor for some time to go home and stop it before it got worse.

I'm certain that a more immature version of me would have driven over to him in anger. I would have opened the door prepared to release my rage over such "disobedience." I would have yelled at him, scolded him, and left home still in a sour mood with Max a bit confused as to what all of that was even about.

Thankfully, this did not happen.

See, Max does not know that he's not allowed on the couch because he's never been taught otherwise. My dog does not know that magazines are not proper chewing material. I knew ahead of time, that one day he'd test his boundaries and that he already has the leg power to hop onto the couch with ease.

The drive home granted me the time to meditate and reflect on my own feelings. I realized that to take my anger out on Max would be unjust. For it was not him I was mad at, it was mostly at myself.

I am grateful for that time and awareness because when I opened the door, there was my puppy. His tail was wagging and his front paws were bouncing up in excitement as I walk through the front door towards him.

I walked over to the couch with the shredded magazine, held up a scrap, looked at him and said "NO." with a deliberately unpleasant tone.

I saw his ears move back against his head, his head lower a little, and his body slightly tense at this. To me, this body language told me that he understood my emotional state, I was not happy, and all this happened in just two seconds. And then…

That was it. I let it go. I cleaned some of the mess, arranged the play pen to block him from the couch, sat down, and called Max to me.

I see his ears relax, his body loosen up, and his tail begin a soft wag. I smile and ensure my own body language is relaxed and happy as he comes close to greet me with a myriad of kisses, the same way he always greets me when I get home. I tell him that I love him with my words and my actions. I pet him lovingly, let him know in my own human way that I forgive him, and that it I appreciate him for showing me where I need to improve as a leader.

I left him sadly because I never want to be apart from him, but overall very happy that I handled the situation in a way that was calm and understanding—a way that was fair for Max.

I sometimes laugh at the irony that I, expecting my first (human) child with my girlfriend, put so much effort into learning more about dogs, reading about dogs, and thinking frequently on how I can improve my relationship with my dog.

The thing is, I am not ashamed in the least.

In fact, I'm proud.

These very same qualities of mine, the qualities the compel me to be a better me for the sake of another living being, are the qualities that I know I will tap into when I begin raising my child.

Raising a child will also require me to take a good look at myself and work daily to improve. It will require me to view my child with patience, empathy, and a TON of love.

I'm not saying it will be easy and I am well aware of the big differences between the two, but I am proud because I know that this feeling that I have inside of me, a feeling that I can't accurately put into words, is largely influenced by love.

The quality effort you make and the love you share with others comes back to you.

Dogs, for me, are a blessing because they love with all their hearts. They demonstrate an undying loyalty and tje capability for forgiveness far beyond what I once thought was possible.

I owe it to my pup to give him the best life possible and to show him love beyond measure. You know, the same love he always shows me. 🐶 ❤️

Submitted December 21, 2017 at 02:33PM by LiquidAlb
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